


You're The Old Hands

by PirateQueenCatherine



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Hero Complex, Learning to Fight, Pre-Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PirateQueenCatherine/pseuds/PirateQueenCatherine
Summary: Before the events of Kingdom Hearts 3, and after the conclusion of Dream Drop Distance, it is clear that Axel needs training if he is to use his new keyblade. You can't just lob it like you can a chakram.But Axel doesn't have the support others do. Saïx, his childhood friend, is...no longer someone he talks to. Roxas is gone, and he can't help but feel more is missing from his life. He failed to help that girl in his childhood, he failed to have a meaningful presence in Organisation XIII, he has nobody left, really. And now, he's learning to use a keyblade, a weapon that exists a sore reminder of his previous mistakes.After years of acting the tough guy, making friends and using charisma to be remembered, perhaps Axel can finally let himself be remembered as just a friend, rather than a failed wannabe hero.--------This is an ongoing character study of Axel, prior to the events of Kingdom Hearts 3 (although informed by them!). It is currently unfinished. Chapter 1/?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	You're The Old Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Axel is struggling to swing a blade right, and Riku isn't the best mentor, not right now anyway. But perhaps, if he can get over his hangups, he can learn to use a keyblade in a way that suits him, rather than in a way that suits a cocky act?

“Come on, you’ve got to follow through with the tip of the blade, Axel.”

“Are you absolutely sure I can’t throw it like this?”

“Not unless you can reliably bring it back.”

“Hmph.”

It had been some weeks since Axel had first summoned a keyblade. Flaming and bright, nobody was quite sure if the flames were growing as he became more comfortable summoning it, but it certainly looked that way as his movements had stopped being quite so flaccid.

On multiple occasions he had simply thrown it at Riku, usually resulting in the threat of stapling the damn thing to Axel’s hand. He swung it like it was a chakram, with a flick of the wrist that looked flashy but left his guard weak, allowing Riku to break through and throw him to the ground. It felt like there was no way to convince him it was more like a sword.

Riku had, of course, had a similar experience. Soul Eater was not quite the same, and Ansem’s presence in his heart had certainly not been the best mentor. He was sloppy, swinging too hard, closer to desperation in the worst moments. And as the only Keyblade Master not otherwise distracted by kingly duties, it fell to Riku to teach Axel how to use one.

“Go again, I’m going to block anything you throw at me, but, this time, try not to literally throw anything.” Riku demanded.

Axel tapped his temple and nodded.

Charging forward, Flame Liberator in his right hand, Axel stared Riku down. One arm out for balance, the other across his torso to hide his weapon down at behind him. Using his momentum, rather than his arm strength, he brought it up and across as he reached Riku, who deftly blocked it.

But Axel’s arm kept moving, up and over his head, wrist twisted to now point down at the ground, keyblade positioned to protect against a counterhit. And when it didn’t come, it meant he had a perfect opportunity to strike once more. The block hadn’t killed Axel’s momentum, he made short steps forward, strafing Riku's body as if to run directly past him. 

And from there, he had a clear shot at Riku’s chest. Flicking his wrist up, he brought the keyblade level, thrusting it forward. Eyes wide, Riku just about managed to block it with the flat side of his own, but felt the full force as his own keyblade was knocked back into his chest, winding him. 

“Alright, alright, hot shot, proud of that one?” He wheezed.

“A little, pretty slick, right?”

“You can’t win every fight with tricks and fancy footwork, you know. You’ve really got-”

“I know, stop relying on my wrist, stop putting the keyblade at weird angles I can’t hold, but hey, got to start somewhere, right?”

Axel stood up straight, one hand on his hip, the other throwing his keyblade up into the air, spinning it around to catch it again, much like he would a chakram.

Unfortunately, he caught the blade end, which he didn’t notice until a few seconds later when his hand started to burn, dropping it onto the floor with a crash.

“You should also probably hold-”

“YES OKAY RIKU I UNDERSTAND WHERE THE HANDLE IS, MR. KEYBLADE MASTER.”

* * *

It took a long time before Axel learned to fight traditionally. He certainly had an aptitude for magic, but using the keyblade itself as a conduit was a challenge. The age-old test, of opening a locked door, didn’t come naturally to Axel. Not least because the first time Riku told him “open this doorway,” Axel destroyed the door with a little too much enthusiasm. “You didn’t tell me to unlock it,” he professed, “how was I supposed to know that was your intention,” he groaned as he cleaned up the pieces and was tasked with installing a new one.

That feeling, of being part of something he did not understand, of not being a part of the ‘the group,’ of struggling with something everyone else found easy, was all too familiar. Situations where he was proving himself, always looking fighting upwards to get his footing on a ledge that kept rising, he knew them well.

“What is it with you and picking up stray puppies,” someone once asked. 

“I want everybody I meet to remember me.”

But who would remember him? When he was like this?

Who would remember the runt of the litter, the one who had failed to save anyone? He was not memorable by virtue of gifts he was given.

So he had to force it. A keyblade did not will itself into his hand, he was not chosen by a grand design, he was not remembered by virtue of his name alone.

“Inside people’s memories, I can live forever.”

But he had to make that happen. Be funny, be charismatic, be strong. Be someone to rely on. Show no fear. Don’t just be chosen to be a hero, become one of his own volition. 

And yet he was always left off the podium. So that he could try again, right?

So that he could go once more, try again, be surrounded by people so brilliant, so courageous and strong that he couldn’t help but be uplifted by them?

Or find himself on the bottom rung, once again.

Utterly useless, and forgotten.

* * *

“How’re things going with the training,” Kairi asked, taking a seat beside Axel. She had, of course, progressed faster than him.

“Y’know, doing great!” He lied.

“You know you’re a really bad liar, right?”

He laughed, and nudged her with an elbow.

“Instead of letting me wallow in this, want to tell me about how you’re doing?”

Kairi was, much like her friends, a natural. Given a keyblade one day and swung it with ease. Used it to cast magic, and as a conduit for her own abilities. Exactly what you’d expect from a Princess of Heart, if the other ones were allowed to wield a weapon anyway. Strong, powerful, to be remembered.

Obviously her attitude and smile never put that across, and Axel felt guilty for even thinking it. She was the sort of person who had never done wrong. There was no arrogance, no smug grin, she really was just herself. And even in these moments, where she should be bragging, telling him about how fantastic she is with a keyblade. Of course she isn’t, she’s hiding behind her arm when she puts her hand behind her head and looking away.

“You know you’re doing great, right Axel?” She told him.

“Yuh-huh.” He mumbled dismissively.

“What’s up, I’m not asking you to wallow in anything, I just want to know what’s on your mind.”

He sat back, stretching his legs out in front of him and looking to the sky. 

“What does it feel like to be the hero?”

“You think I’m a hero?”

“I mean...yeah?”

She giggled to herself, and shrugged.

“I think everybody always thinks somebody else is the hero.”

“Right, but-”

In a rare act of forcefulness, Kairi cut him off.

“No exceptions, really. You ask anyone if they’re a hero and they’ll usually laugh or shrug it off. I don’t think I know anyone who’s ever been able to wear that as a title, much less call themselves it.”

“Right, but you know what I mean, you all find this so easy, and-”

Once again, she cut him off.

“What’s heroic about doing something that comes naturally?”

He opened his mouth as if to reply, but nothing came out, he didn’t quite have a reply to that one. They sat there in silence for a moment before she stood up.

“Come on, let’s try something.”

With a hand held out, she pulled Axel to his feet, leading him into a courtyard. By this point it was late in the evening, an orange dusk hanging over the area. 

“You used to use chakrams,” she asked, summoning a keyblade in her hand, “right?”

“Yeah, well, glorified frisbees before that, but yeah. Big red throwy things with spikes.”

She nodded, giggling to herself, as she set up a dummy target for him.

“Have you ever thrown your keyblade like you did the chakram?”

“Riku won’t let me, says I’m ‘not ready,’ pfft.”

“Is that because you hit him in the face by accident that one time?”

“Not my fault he couldn’t block it!”

“Alright, well, that’s why I’ve got out the dummy instead, because if he didn’t block it, I sure won’t. But…” Kairi took a step back and brought her keyblade down, away from the dummy, lowering her weight a little as she assumed a stance closer to that of a fencer. “Let me show you something.”

Kairi took a deep breath and swung the keyblade forward, although it looked more like the keyblade dragged her forward. And then, with a flourish, she let go. The keyblade swung forward, flipping vertically with a sparkle. It hit the dummy, once, twice, three times before it vanished, reappearing in Kairi’s hand.

“Looks cool, right? Now, you try it. Let the keyblade carry you, and just...trust it for when you want to let go.”

Axel looked down as his own keyblade appeared in his hand. The handle had always looked like his old chakrams, but it couldn’t spin like them. The weight was all different, chakrams were supposed to spin perfectly on a needlepoint, his keyblade couldn’t, the weight along its length meant it clattered along the ground whenever he tried to use it like the old chakrams.

But, he did as she asked. Squatting, lowering his hips, he brought the keyblade forward, putting all his energy into carrying it up so that it could then carry him as his arm reached forward. And then, he let go.

In a flash, the keyblade’s tip burst into flames, retreating into the handle before exploding out creating a spiral of circular flames as it hit the dummy, singing it and setting the grass nearby on fire. 

And just as quickly as it had been set ablaze, the chakram disappeared, not back into his hand but completely. 

“And you say you’re not a hero?” Kairi teased.

“I, uh…”

He didn’t know what to say. It was as if, in that moment, he understood something that he couldn’t put into words. The keyblade had transformed into his chakram, if just for a moment. Neither he nor Kairi understood how, but they didn’t have much time to think on it, as they realised the dummy was burning up in front of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this short chapter, which will hopefully continue into something far longer, as Axel learns how to use a keyblade, and comes to terms with the fact for his memory to live on, he doesn't need to impress the world. More coming soonTM.


End file.
